Silent time is good for me. The 15-hour road trip Morton and I had was an amazing experience to focus on some things that have been bouncing around in my brain recently.
I'm a working artist, crafter, creator, writer, producer and toss in the fact that I've been remodeling our old church home and studio for 8 years, and you'll get an idea of how busy my mind is, quiet time is something that I need more of.
Since Morton took early retirement in July, I've not been able to get a good meditation routine established. Usually, I would wake up, meditate, stretch, do some yoga, drink water, maybe eat something and then head to the studio, my office or a corner of this old church to work on my laptop, but this hasn't been happening. So back to that road trip, I tried as I was driving to think about what order I needed to get into my daily life. Where could I have a place to create, not disturb Morton who is prone to sleeping much later that I do, and get my day started with some needed self-care? I played over different areas, scenarios and routines that I think would be sustainable.
My nature is very spur of the moment and scheduling is a thing that really hasn't historically worked for me, so each time I was playing a morning routine in my mind while driving north on 95, my subconscious would kick in the thought that it was something pointless. I'm a free-spirited person, routines aren't my thing, or are they?
Doing a deep dive into my past I thought about habits and routines I have been doing for most of my life. My focus was on how I created and sold my creations. What were my patterns? It was a shock to see that I actually am a person who is structured far more than I thought I was. This realization made me smile and think that this inner self talk I've been giving myself is all just bad habit. I do have creating routines, processes and with everything else tossed in my life, this is where I get stuck. When I'm creating, I let myself take last place. I'm never a priority in my own life.
There's not going to be any grand awakening, just quiet times I think I need to be looking after myself better, times to realize that as my body is aging, do I want to be the person who takes care of it or do I want to put that task on someone else. This is something that I need to do for myself, with no judging about the past, and no stress on what I expect of myself. Grace and gentleness will be my guide to this new perspective about realizing that I do indeed have the potential to do whatever I want with my time and self-care has to have more of a priority than ever before.
This morning I'm feeling less like I'm chasing my tail, taking a moment to talk to you right now. Meditation happened, some stretches happened, I'm smiling and heading to the studio with a full and grateful heart of just how wonderful this world is.