As a person who is always in motion, most of the time anyway, it can be tough to get a good picture of things that are constantly moving. My mind is always chasing ideas, with creations popping in and out of it so much that it can become almost impossible to keep up with.
Silent time is good for me. The 15-hour road trip Morton and I had was an amazing experience to focus on some things that have been bouncing around in my brain recently.
I'm a working artist, crafter, creator, writer, producer and toss in the fact that I've been remodeling our old church home and studio for 8 years, and you'll get an idea of how busy my mind is, quiet time is something that I need more of.
Since Morton took early retirement in July, I've not been able to get a good meditation routine established. Usually, I would wake up, meditate, stretch, do some yoga, drink water, maybe eat something and then head to the studio, my office or a corner of this old church to work on my laptop, but this hasn't been happening. So back to that road trip, I tried as I was driving to think about what order I needed to get into my daily life. Where could I have a place to create, not disturb Morton who is prone to sleeping much later that I do, and get my day started with some needed self-care? I played over different areas, scenarios and routines that I think would be sustainable.
My nature is very spur of the moment and scheduling is a thing that really hasn't historically worked for me, so each time I was playing a morning routine in my mind while driving north on 95, my subconscious would kick in the thought that it was something pointless. I'm a free-spirited person, routines aren't my thing, or are they?
Doing a deep dive into my past I thought about habits and routines I have been doing for most of my life. My focus was on how I created and sold my creations. What were my patterns? It was a shock to see that I actually am a person who is structured far more than I thought I was. This realization made me smile and think that this inner self talk I've been giving myself is all just bad habit. I do have creating routines, processes and with everything else tossed in my life, this is where I get stuck. When I'm creating, I let myself take last place. I'm never a priority in my own life.
There's not going to be any grand awakening, just quiet times I think I need to be looking after myself better, times to realize that as my body is aging, do I want to be the person who takes care of it or do I want to put that task on someone else. This is something that I need to do for myself, with no judging about the past, and no stress on what I expect of myself. Grace and gentleness will be my guide to this new perspective about realizing that I do indeed have the potential to do whatever I want with my time and self-care has to have more of a priority than ever before.
This morning I'm feeling less like I'm chasing my tail, taking a moment to talk to you right now. Meditation happened, some stretches happened, I'm smiling and heading to the studio with a full and grateful heart of just how wonderful this world is.